Donald Trump’s 10 Rules for Book Writing -- Based on His New Book, Crippled America

 Credit: Gage Skidmore

Credit: Gage Skidmore

1.  Praise Yourself Profusely – Trump’s self-directed compliments include: “I know I am a great builder”; “I couldn’t even tell you how many magazine covers I’ve been on”; “I’ve built a great company and a massive net worth”; “I’m rich.  I mean, I’m really rich”; and “There’s nobody like me.  Nobody.”

2.  Pump Up Everything Close to You, for Reflected Glory – Trump tells his readers that he attended “the best business school in America”; that he is “involved in literally hundreds of companies, almost all of which are working beautifully, and setting new standards and records”; and that he lives “on what is considered the best block in America.”

3.  Repeat the Important Things, for Emphasis -- Trump declares, “I am a really nice guy” and later, “I am a nice guy. I really am”; that “Trump” is “one of the greatest brands in the world”; “one of the greatest luxury brands in the world,” and “one of the most respected brands in the world”; and repeatedly makes clear that he is a "winner" not a "loser."

4.  Keep Things Simple – Trump explains that a country either “has laws or it doesn’t”; that children are “the very future of this nation”; and that “education is good.”

5.  . . . including in Your Foreign Policy Prescriptions -- Trump sets out his plan for dealing with ISIS: “We would hit them so hard and so fast in so many different ways they wouldn’t know what happened.”

6.  Use an “Angry and Mean Looking” Author Photo – Trump explains that he wanted “a picture where I wasn’t happy, a picture that reflected the unhappiness that I feel, rather than joy. Because we are not in a joyous situation right now.”

7.  Include a Lot of Score-Settling – Trump has choice words for his debate nemesis Megyn Kelly; Macy’s, which dropped his menswear line after his comments about Mexican immigrants; the Club for Growth, which has accused him of supporting higher taxes; President Obama (“an awful President”); and Vice President Biden (“There are some things so obvious that even Joe Biden can see them”).

8.  Use 8% of the Book for an Extended “About the Author” Feature – Most “About the Author” sections are one or two paragraphs on the dust jacket.  But Trump needs 14 pages to have room -- in his compendious list of achievements and honors -- for such critical information as the fact that he “held two of the most Successful WrestleMania events ever” and that “in 2008, ‘You’re fired!’ was listed as the #3 greatest TV catchphrase of all time.”

9.  Include 3 Pages Boasting About How Rich You Are – Trump includes a ledger of assets and liabilities to argue that his net worth is well into the billions -- and he also brags that “40 of the 45 stocks I bought rose substantially in a short period of time”

10. End Your Book with a List of all of Your Real Estate – Like all great books, Crippled America ends with an inventory of all of the properties the author owns, manages, or developed – more than 80 of which have “Trump” in their names.